


Galaxies

by Fairy (laterie)



Category: GOT7
Genre: Depression dealing, M/M, it's all about love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 08:23:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21371095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laterie/pseuds/Fairy
Summary: It's been two months since Jackson moved out of the dorm - two months sice he took the last part of Mark's patience with himself.
Relationships: Mark Tuan/Jackson Wang
Comments: 6
Kudos: 76





	Galaxies

"You can't possibly be still angry with me," Jackson looked terrified when Mark showed him his back without a word. "Mark, I'm here right now."

"Well, good for you, because I'm leaving."

Jackson looked at the bag next to the door and immediately jumped to the door, blocking it with his body, "just yesterday you played a jealous husband on the camera, and today you're..."

"I didn't play a jealous husband."

"Then, what it was?"

"You..." Mark sighed, frustrated, "I love you, Jia'er..."

"Can't be happier."

"But it frustrates me. I know all your insecurities, I know about all of your fears, but it's..."

Jackson's face softened, "I get it."

"I'm angry, not jealous. I'm angry..." Mark rubbed his face trying to get rid of the unwanted emotions, "I'm angry at myself because I can't stop myself from being so obvious."

"Baby…"

"I need to go."

"You don't need to go," Jackson said softly, "all you need is to talk to me. Well, you snapped, I snap all the time, but that's me. People will not judge you. We brought _markson _back, that's all."

"That's all you see?" Mark felt the anger bubbling at his throat again, "is this a fucking game to you?"

"Don't swear, please—"

"Do you care about what I feel, or all you care about is that you have another _markson_ moment?"

"That's why I asked you to stay and talk to me." Jackson said calmly, "you know I'm slow sometimes, but when it comes to you, my brain is burning galaxies."

"Jacks…"

"It's not like _markson _is not real. We just don't go around wearing couple shirts like _if lost return to Markie._"

At that, Mark smiled, "this is so fucked up."

"Don't swear, you know I don't like it when you swear."

"Yeah, you can have my delicate mouth all you want, Jacks, but this is not about it. This is about how you go around half-naked, and I can't stop myself from behaving like an idiot. It shouldn't have bothered me in the first place. I don't want to be this affectionate. It's not about how it was an innocent misstep. This is about _me._"

Jackson took a deep breath and looked away so he could gather his thoughts. It was always like riding a rollercoaster when he was staring at Mark for too long. At the very peak, he felt almost drugged from the intensity, and at the very bottom, when he descended very quickly, he felt like an insane person, a drug addict who thought he would've never fallen so deep to become an addict.

"I want you to stay. In nights like these, I want you to stay," Jackson's voice dropped, "you think you messed up, but that's not true."

"I don't want you to feel obligated to fix my problems for me," Mark said, "I want you to do things you're comfortable with. You work hard, Jia'er…"

"Mark…" Jackson lowered his voice, "_please…_"

"What now?" Mark threw his hands in the air.

"Let's take this to the bedroom, alright? Let's solve this problem like two lovers." Jackson picked the bag from the floor, not even thinking about his words sounded to Mark.

"You really have galaxies in your head, Gaga."

**

Jinyoung paced the living room, bored and annoyed. When Mark called him yesterday at midnight, he hoped that he meant he's going back. But of course, Jackson had to pull some strings and tie him up. The mission of _how to tame these two horny idiots _he got from JYP himself was failing miserably. One couldn't keep the pace with the over-energized bunnies – not when Jaebeom was in his nagging mood slash crisis and kept asking him _if he's really a good leader. _

"Like a freaking mo—" he turned around when the door slammed shut.

"I'm sorry!" Mark called from the entrance door, "I have my hands full! Can someone help me!"

For a second, Jinyoung didn't move. Somehow he wanted Jaebeom to get out of his room and help their legal and official hyung because that Mark was for them no matter how much Jaebeom wanted the privilege. _Hey, at least you'll not get old so fast. _

"Coming!"

"_Fuck,_" Mark quietly uttered as he tried to toe his shoes.

"Right…" was the first thing Jinyoung said after he saw Mark standing in the hallway with a huge bouquet of lilies mixed with roses and a paper bag full of food. "What happened this time?"

"What?" Mark looked over the flowers.

"Did you buy yourself flowers?" he pointed at the enormous bouquet, "why don't you put it down…"

"_No!_" Mark gasped, "it can break. Take the bag from me."

"So put the bag down first."

"Jinyoung, there are some fragile things in there."

"In my chest, too," he muttered under his breath, "I'll take the flowers, and you handle the fragile content."

"But, these are mine."

It was so stupid watching Mark getting overwhelmed over a freaking bouquet of lilies. Even worse was Mark not admitting the truth, that Jackson was buying his mercy with flowers and expensive gifts.

"Stop thinking aloud," Mark said, handing him the paper bag, "I can see your brain all over your face."

"I thought Jackson is coming with you. We had _plans._"

"_Yeah, _but you texted me that Jaebeom is traumatized by Yugyeom."

"Why does it sound like a statement?" Jinyoung shook his head, "you know it wouldn't be so bad to have a day without you guys terrorizing Jaebeom like _that._"

"I wasn't even here!" Mark followed him across the living room to the kitchen, "and why it's always Yugyeom whom Jaebeom can't handle?"

"Did you really asked this?"

Mark sighed at that question. He found a vase big enough to fit his flowers. For Jinyoung, somewhat, it felt like Mark was distancing himself from the rest of the band. He knew that one day, he'd go in Jackson's shoes and moves out of the dorm. If JYP allows it, of course, but if he does, then God help the _markson _couple.

"What happened to you?" Jinyoung looked into the bag full of pasta and meat. These were fragile? Seriously?

"Nothing." Mark centered the vase on the table and took a seat behind it.

"Don't act like I don't know _you._"

Mark didn't say a word. He rested his chin on his palm, staring somewhere over the flowers, kitchen, and their whole reality. The _silent mood _was on, and Jinyoung immediately knew that he'd only waste his time.

"Promise me one thing, _hyung,_" Jinyoung blocked his view, "you'll tell me if something would happen with Jackson."

"It's personal."

"So is your relationship with him inside GOT7. You have to understand that—"

"I _understand_." Mark hissed, "I'm not stupid."

"I didn't…"

"Mark-hyung," Jaebeom appeared in the kitchen, "you here?"

Both of them looked at their wasted leader. He wore Jinyoung's old hoodie and Mark's sweatpants. He could bet that even the socks weren't his — what a _mess. _Mark stood up before a catastrophe called _mad Jaebeom _would change the world-wide climate for to worse.

"Where's Jackson? We have plans."

"I know we have plans, but you see—"Mark wrapped both of his hands around JJaebeom's shoulder, "there's something he has to do. He'll come a bit later, alright?"

"Why he always has to be special like _this? _You know I'm talented too."

"You're my favorite singer from GOT7," Mark said with a serious face, "I'm not kidding."

"No, it's Jinyoung." The leader freed his arm, "I never thought we'd get to this stage where you'll be pitying me!"

"I'm not pitying _you._" Mark frowned, "what happened to you guys? I was out for two days and look at you."

Jaebeom took a deep breath before he departed himself from the kitchen straight to his bedroom, where he slammed the door behind himself. Mark looked at Jinyoung, who shrugged, but soon he followed their leader. Mark stayed alone in the kitchen. For reasons like these, he wanted to move out. Jaebeom needed his space. He was stressed enough to watch over the maknae-crazy-evil line. With Jackson out of the dorm, the temperature dropped over ten _fucking _Celsius. Everything was fading down. Only Yugyeom kept the morals up by his everlasting positivity. Mark thought that Jaebeom isn't giving the maknae enough of credits. _I like him, Jaebeom _said one evening, _I wish I could be… you know… more like him. _

**

"_Hey, hey… Yien,_" Jackson gently shook Mark's shoulder, "why are the lights out? It's only eleven, why are you guys sleeping?"

Mark rolled on his back, swearing in three languages at Jackson, who dared to wake hip up. He needed more time to adjust to sudden changes. Still, Jackson kept talking about how he got in the dorm, and everyone is asleep except for Jinyoung, who was watching TV, but also half-asleep, dizzy, and somewhat angry at Jackson.

"It's 11 PM!" Mark rubbed his forehead nervously.

"I'm a bit late, I admit." Jackson whispered, "but _hey,_" he smiled, "I'm here. And I brought you something."

"I don't—"Mark didn't manage to say a word when Jackson hovered over him like a wet dream and kissed him on the lips.

Mark gently moaned into the kiss, "finally, a gift I really appreciate."

"Another one if you strip me…"

Mark opened his eyes, "wait a bit. You can't just…" he slurred, feeling flustered all of a sudden, "no."

"What _no?_"

"Kayee…"

"Sounds so delicate from your mouth." Jackson leaned closer, "I love when you say my name like that.“

"This house is full of people."

"So?" Jackson leaned forward, "it doesn't mean you can't see my naked body."

"I saw it just today." Mark reminded him.

"That doesn't count,“ he pressed his nose to Mark’s cheek, „call me _Kayee _tonight.“

“Jia...“

“No,“ Jackson muted him with a kiss, “_Kayee _tonight.“

It could be easy to descent into the pleasure and forgot about Jackson, who messed up again. Who was Mark kidding? Their hectic life couldn't be programmed. But there was still a house full of people and mad Jinyoung in the livingroom. It took Mark all of his determination to break the spell of Wang Jia’er.

"Jinyoung thinks you messed up." He quickly said before Jackson would melt him into the mattress.

At that, Jackson lowered his head with a heavy sigh and pulled away, "of course, it's Jinyoung all over again."

"I'm just explaining why he might be angry when you came." Mark positioned himself on his elbows, "don't have weird thoughts."

"Says the always collected Tuan Yien."

Mark bit his tongue, preventing a possible fight. He had enough from earlier, "what about you slip under the covers with me and spend the night?"

"You know you could’ve just stayed at my place."

"I had promised Jaebeom to come home because we had _plans._" Mark's voice dropped, "Jackson, don't do _this._"

"_Wow_, I'm _Jackson _now_. _Cool." the venom dripped from Jackson's tongue, “I'm sorry!" he stood up, "but you know I have a lot…"

"You always have a lot, Jackie…" Mark sat up, "but it's you who thought you could manage all the responsibilities, so don't come to cry on me here! We've talked about this so many times. I offered you my help, but you're too stubborn."

"Why it's always my fault?" Jackson raised his voice, "why _me _being cautious and caring about my friends and lover is a bad thing? I don't want to put the burden on your shoulders. Team Wang is my own business. It has…" he cut himself and turned around to the window to calm down.

"_What? _It has nothing to do with _me_? That's what you wanted to say?" Mark gave his lover's back a sharp look. "We're lovers, Jia'er. Sharing a burden is a natural thing. You have no idea how…"

Mark hated the unnatural silence between them. Being comfortable with someone, even without words, was precious to him. Most of the time, Mark felt the pressure — an awkward echo of silence. The delusion grew in him, only proving that opening for people will always gain more and more pain. That's why when Mark grew up into the pattern of consistently loud Wang Jackson, he discovered the dark side of the silence. Right now, right here – the terrifying silence of them all – silence between lovers.

"I want to help you," Mark tried again, "so we can spend more time together. I want to see you happy and relaxed, but you're tired most of the time, and I feel like a failed boyfriend. Nothing I do is enough to keep you safe. Sometimes it feels like you don't even want me."

"Why are you saying such things?" Jackson looked at him, "why do you always put yourself down like this? We both are self-sufficient men. We can take care of our business and then concentrate only on pleasure. Let's have fun and love and not talk about work when we're together."

Mark didn't want to cry.

Oh, _hell, _no.

He shut his mouth, fisting the bedsheets with all of his force. After months, and when their relationship got serious, Jackson came with his brilliant plan of _I'm going to live alone from now on._ Mark's chest deflated like a balloon. He died for the first time. They had a minor fight, all in the English language, because nobody wanted to cause Jaebeom another trauma. Jackson promised him he would visit _very often. _Yes, Mark believed it, except it was all lies.

"You're so stupid!" Mark stood up from the bed. He almost got tangled in the covers that fell over the edge. "What am I? A toy to you?"

Jackson gasped in shock. The hurt was visible in his eyes, even in the dim lights of street lamps. Mark was oversensitive about everything that was related to Jackson. He could see even the slightest change of his expression; see behind the masks Jackson used in the past days to camouflage his bad health.

"Mark…" Jackson's voice broke in the middle, "I would never — how come you… _Why?!_"

It could've been a pleasant moment to see Jackson speechless, but not when they were fighting. Whatever the _why _meant, Mark was too furious to switch his genius brain on again. He was hurt, but Jackson didn't move to comfort him.

"We are in the same band, goddammit! How are you saying that we shouldn't share the same burden?!" Mark growled, "why are you telling me this when you were always there when I needed you? Never once you ignored me when I needed you, but now… you just told me to mind my own business!"

"I did not!" Jackson replied indignantly.

"You did it!"

"I did _not!_" he pressed, "I would never!"

"Well, you just _did!_" Mark persisted.

"I would never tell you to mind your own business! I'm here for you! Always and forever."

For a second, Mark believed in these words. His mind played a trick on him. It was a natural response when a brain was exposed to high stress. The taste of Jackson's lips strummed a gentle lullaby on his nerves. It was all about the taste and softness.

"So it only works when I need help? Are you a fucking martyr now?" Mark's vision got blurred by his tears, "am I really that us—"

"Don't!" Jackson said sternly, "you dare to say it!"

"Am I really that _useless_?!" Mark's body has trembled like train railings.

Jackson was by his side in that second. He cupped Mark's face, gently whispering these sweet nonsenses that should've calmed Mark down. But Mark was already beyond that. No, _my sweet baby boy _would ever again prove to him that Jackson didn't think _otherwise. _

"Why are you with me?" Mark asked, ignoring his voice but not ignoring the warm palms on his cold skin.

"Because you're caring, selfless, loving, and you always take care of me even when I'm this dumb asshole who doesn't know how to appreciate it. You're always here to pull my head out of the clouds." Jackson didn't waver for a second, and his confession came out narrow and honest.

"This is the reality I want," Jackson leaned their foreheads together, "you're my anchor."

"Yeah," Mark closed his eyes, "I am the _anchor._"

He could be anything else, but no, he was slowing Jackson down and pinning him in this place forever.

Jackson sighed, "sometimes, I think I am too stupid for you."

"You're not stupid." Mark tilted his head back. He was not hiding his tears anymore. "To have problems with concentration is not being stupid."

"Mark…" Jackson gave him a knowing look, "you know what I mean."

"No, I don't." Mark wiped his eyes, "you are _you_."

Mark didn't see the affection, or how the corner of his lover's mouth lifted. He was busy trying to see it again. When he rubbed his eyes into the sleeves of his shirt, Jackson captured his hands and pulled him against his body.

"I love you."

It was the kiss under Mark's left eye that undid Mark like a ribbon. He folded in front of Jackson all over again. How was Jackson able to kick his heart like that, and how was he there to give him the first aid at the same time?

"Let me help you, _please._" Mark begged, "I shouldn't beg you, Jia'er. I shouldn't beg you like this."

"I don't want to worry you."

"I know you don't. But you do." Mark said desperately, "you think I don't know? Your voice sounds as if you were blowing me for two hours straight. Your voice is a mess."

"Well, that was a hell one comparison…" Jackson admired the figure of speech. "I'm a singer, babe, so…"

"I know how tired voice sounds like!"

"What now?!" Jackson pulled away, nervously, "you think I am fooling around and blowing the whole national football team or what?"

"The hell?!" Mark grimaced, disgusted. "I'm saying you should stop smoking."

"I don't smoke." Jackson looked away, visibly pouting. "I don't."

"Kayee…"

"I do not!" he insisted.

"_Kayee_…"

"You smoke too!" Jackson snapped suddenly, "so I will quit when you quit! Pro quo pro, my love."

"The last time I smoked was three weeks ago."

"Well…" Jackson shrugged at that, offended, "I did just before I came."

"Why?"

Jackson shrugged again.

"_Oh, my stress._" Mark quoted him dryly. He went to his bed, fixing his covers and being completely done by his boyfriend's attitude.

He minded his own business when Jackson grabbed as his hips and pulled him backward. Mark rolled his eyes, still working on his bed. "what are you doing?"

"You were talking about me blowing you for two hours."

"So what?"

"Means you are horny."

Mark sometimes wished that Jackson would learn the magic tactics of _think before speak. _He let his boyfriend play around for another minute, almost falling for the game of pushing and pulling, but then the bed was fixed, and Jackson was still stroking and massaging his sides and ass. What was going on in Jackson's head was a mystery for Mark. They were in the middle of a fight, which, as Mark correctly understood, Jackson decided to ignore. He didn't see that Mark was still pissed and tried to calm himself down by keeping his hands busy.

"No! your head works like galaxies only when it comes to working!" Mark didn't mean to raise his voice, but it was too late. Jackson pulled away, speechless.

They faced each other, Mark immediately full of sorrow and regrets, when Jackson stepped away, creating an unwanted distance between them. _Oh god! _Mark felt a tightening in his chest like the first time when Jackson walked to the window. Being with Jackson was a lot about solving confusion and misunderstanding, but it was always fruitful.

"Jia'er," Mark said softly, "I didn't mean to snap. I am sorry."

"Was that a reaction at what I said at my place this afternoon?" Jackson crossed his arms over his chest, "very subtle."

"I'm sorry—"

"No, you're not. You truly think I put my job over you?"

"I just wish you…" Mark bit his lip, "...put the same effort into our relationship. You are so… you can…" Mark felt like crying again. "We fought, and you just come and grab me as nothing has happened?"

"Right! I forgot I have my brain in my pants!"

"I never said that!"

"Sorry that I feel comfortable enough around you to turn off my troubled mind! I'm tired of this constant terror in my head when I can't stop thinking about every goddamn useless matter! You think I don't want to _stop_?"

"This is why I want to help you!" Mark begged, "you're refusing me! Why can't you see that you're isolating yourself from us? First, you moved out, then every goddamn time I'm trying to talk to you through this madness, you keep denying! You're overworking yourself. You used to talk to me all the time. We were inseparable…"

Jackson shook his head, dismissively. The tension and fear were hovering like a dark cloud over his head, "I'm going home." He moved fast enough to make it up to the door before Mark could stop him.

"No, _no, no, no_!" Mark grabbed Jackson by his shoulder and pulled him with all of his might back to the room. Before he shut the door close, he could see Jinyoung approaching the room. Mark locked the door and leaned against it.

"How the tables have turned, _huh_?"

Mark took a deep breath, "you have problems, and we're going to talk about them."

"_Hyung_..." Jinyoung knocked on the door, "what is going on there?"

"Absolutely nothing," Jackson answered instead of Mark, his voice shaking though he tried to at least look calm.

"I don't think that _"nothing"_ sounds like Mark yelling at you."

"He didn't yell."

"I didn't yell." Mark agreed.

"So, I assume you're just very passionate about composing songs since hyung's speech is so flowery." It came from behind the door. Well, Mark could ask Jinyoung for a lecture of sarcasm if he'd survive the clash with Jackson.

"I'm sorry," Mark pinched the bridge of his nose, "it will not happen again. Go to sleep."

Mark only prayed they didn't wake up Jaebeom. When it appeared that Jinyoung was gone, Mark turned his attention back to his lover. Jackson's stoic expression extended the dark cloud up to Mark's head. He wasn't built for this kind of clash. But right now, he kept telling himself he can do it for Jackson, for the sake of their relationship.

"Talk to me, _please._"

Jackson stood there motionless, probably waiting when Mark gets tired of his silence and release him. But also Jackson should've known better than trying the patience of Mark Tuan.

"Alright, I'm the one who forced you to stay," Mark admitted. "Do you want me to lead a monologue about how I love you and care about you?"

Mark asked for a gentle boyfriend and got this stubborn Wang instead.

God, how Mark _loved _him.

"I love you because you never give up on me. You've been there when I had my dark moments, Kayee. I know I fucked up…" Mark saw how Jackson flinched at the curse word. "I know I gave you a reason to doubt me, but in my heart, it was always you."

Jackson's jaw tightened. Mark almost could see the stream of words that were pouring into Jackson's tightly shut mouth.

"You found time to get to know me. It was interesting enough for you to stay by my side. You just…" Mark shook his head at his own realization, "You have no idea how much I am hung up on you. You make me do incredible things. I would run across the country to get to you."

Jackson finally moved. He ran his hand through his hair nervously. With each word, Mark felt more anxious and lost in the scene and darkness between them. Why neither of them turned on the lights anyway? Maybe Mark was too scared to see the true colors and the mess he created.

"I will fight for you."

"Mark…" Jackson finally said, "_please _stop."

"Why? So you can hide back inside your head and avoid me until it's too late?"

"You're pushing too much."

"I'm not pushing. I'm only talking to you."

Again that _stupid _silence. Mark was getting angry at himself. Did he treat Jackson like this the whole time after they met? Did he give him this medicine? Fundamental questions weren't solving a thing for him.

"I was…" Jackson cleared his throat, "diagnosed with depression."

Mark felt the dark cloud descending over his body, blinding and suffocating him with anxiety. This wasn't the right time to panic. Depression was a diagnose, a statement, God's law, and an unbreakable rule - depression was a metal growing inside one's heart. Everything inside Mark's head exploded at once, like a big bang. Creating galaxies wasn't that easy at all.

"You were scared to tell me?" Mark said after he finally moved from the door, "Kayee…"

Jackson nodded slightly, "why should I? It's only my personal…"

"No, it's not." Mark shook his head, "it's never too personal to share with me."

"Mark…" he bowed his head, lips trembling, "I don't want to fade away."

"You won't."

Not only the country, but Mark would also cross the whole galaxy for Jackson. For Mark, it was enough to hold Jackson in his arms to feel like a god. The wild and sexy Jackson Wang was just a man with his inner demons that won't let him sleep.

"Work helps me," Jackson admitted after he almost squeezed the soul out of his boyfriend.

"I know it can help you, but you're overworking yourself. I can help you too."

There was a short pause, Jackson adjusting and filling Mark's body's spaces until they fit with each other. Like this, Mark felt completed.

"You smell like your pillow." Jackson buried his nose into the crook of Mark's neck. "The blanket you gave me smells like me now."

"I thought my pillow smells like _me_." Mark joked.

"I need you." Jackson tugged at the shirt Mark was wearing, but the effort died as fast as it came to life.

"I need you too."

"Why are you…" he didn't finish when Mark stroked his hair back from his eyes to take a better look at him.

"_I live off you_," Mark whispered, holding Jackson's head steadily while slowly sinking into a kiss.

_ That's why. _

**Author's Note:**

> that was my first markson fic ever.  
comments and kudos are very welcomed.  
thank you for reading.


End file.
